Astrid the princess (in training)
by httydhiccstridrtte
Summary: Being a princess for the rest of your life is much harder than just for one night, and Astrid's learning that the hard way. As Astrid tries to get a grip on her new life, she can't help but be intrigued by a rogue rider... Sequel to Astrid the (fake) Princess. You don't have to have read it but I would definitely recommend you do.
1. A stroll through Berk

"No Miss Astrid, that's not the right fork"

Astrid sighed "I'm sorry Beatrix"

"Isn't that like the tenth time she's gotten that wrong?" A servant sneered from the corner of the room.

Beatrix turned to the helper sharply "If you think you could get it right on the first try, come do it yourself"

That shut her up.

She turned back to the frustrated princess to be, sympathetic smile stretching across her face "Why don't you take a break?"

"Yeah, that would probably be a good idea" she frowned "I think I need to clear my head"

Beatrix nodded and Astrid left as quick as she could. All of the Princess technique and all the different forks... Why would anyone need so many forks? Do they not all serve the same purpose?

"Oh gods, look it's that Beserk chick"

"I'm surprised she hasn't been kicked out yet"

"Prince Hiccup's way too kind to do that"

"Probably staying with her out of pity"

"Or out obligation" one of the girls snickered.

"You're not saying-"

"That the little whore slept her way to the top?" she smirked "Absolutely. How else would she get here? What on earth would he see in her?"

Astrid took a deep breath. How dumb did these girls think she was? Or maybe they didn't think she was dumb at all. Maybe they knew she would hear their harsh words. Early on in her arrival she'd been told countless times to ignore the gossip. But that was easier said than done.

"You're evil" a girl told her in a way that made it sound like a compliment

"I only speak the truth" another smirk "I know it, everyone knows it. I bet even she knows it. She doesn't belong here. Prince Hiccup just hasn't come to to his senses yet"

She felt the cold stare on her back. Astrid wanted nothing more than to just go back and yell at that group of girls. State the facts and make them see some sense. But that would give them a reaction, and only quench their satisfaction. She was better than that. She knew the truth. Not those girls. So, she held her head high.

As she walked through the village she noticed a young girl struggling to carry a large basket of clothes. Astrid couldn't stand by and watch a little girl struggle with nobody bothering to offer any help. She walked over and kneeled down.

"Hey sweetie" she said gently.

Clearly the younger girl had not been expecting anyone to talk to her. She jumped, causing the clothes to spill everywhere.

"Oh no" she gasped, automatically going to pick up the clothes "I'm really sorry. P-please don't y-yell at me"

"Oh no honey don't worry, nobody's going to yell at you" she reassured picking up the clothes and placing them in the basket "This looks awfully heavy, why don't I carry this for you?"

A look of relief passed across her face "Yes please" she looked around sneakily "But don't tell anyone"

Astrid took the carrier and allowed the girl to lead the way "So what's your name?"

"Mirabelle. Miri for short"

"That's a lovely name" Astrid complimented.

"Thank you!" She smiled brightly "What's your name?"

"My name is Astrid"

Suddenly Mirabelle stopped and gasped again, this time it did not have the same panic as last time. Instead, it was a gasp of elation.

"As in the same Astrid that Prince Hiccup fell in love with?!"

Astrid nodded, amused by the energy "That's me"

She let out a small squeal "Oh my gods! I can't belive I'm actually talking to you! You're like... A character from a fairy tale!"

Astrid couldn't help but grin at the implication "Trust me, I'm no fairy tale character"

"Well you should be! Someone should make a fairy tale about you!"

"And should it end with Prince Hiccup and me riding off into the sunset on Toothless?"

"Yeah!" she squeaked before stopping "I think we can stop here"

Astrid set the clothes down "So Miri, how old are you?"

"Seven. Nearly eight" she said proudly as she held up seven fingers.

"Well a seven year old shouldn't be carrying a basket of clothes this heavy, you could strain your muscles and hurt yourself" she chided lightly.

At that sentence, the little girl shrank a little "I just wanted to prove that I was tough to the other kids. They said I could play with them if I carried these clothes across the village and back"

Astrid's heart melted for the young girl because she remembered being in similar situations herself at that age. With a disgraced family name she always had to prove herself and her strength to everyone. She knelt down so she was at the same height as Mirabelle.

"First of all" she began gently "You don't need to prove yourself to anyone. You're exactly the way you are for a reason, don't let anyone make you think that needs to change. And anyone who does probably isn't worth it. Find friends that like you for you"

Mirabelle looked at Astrid nodding, admiration sparkling in her eyes.

"And second" Astrid continued "If you really feel like you have to prove a point, don't hurt yourself unnecessarily to do so. You can't prove anything to anyone if you're recovering from an injury"

"Thank you" she beamed "Princess Astrid?"

"Oh no sweetheart I'm not quite a Princess, Astrid works just fine"

"Really? Wow okay" she seemed to be in slight disbelief "Astrid, please may I ask you something?"

Astrid smiled soothingly "Of course, what is it?"

"D-do you think I'll ever become a Princess? She asked, hopeful glint glimmering in her innocent eyes.

"If you marry a prince" she shrugged, grinning "But can I let you in on a little secret?"

Mirabelle nodded leaning closer, clearly eager to hear what she had to say.

"If you fall in love with the right boy, you'll always feel like a princess"

When she felt two tiny arms wrap around her, joy flooded her entire being. Astrid hugged back, smile rapidly widening.

Moments like these reminded her of why she had grown to love Berk in the first place.

xxxx

_"I know it, everyone knows it"_

She was not blind to the disapproving stares of others. The rumours were everywhere. Astrid had a rather keen ear, a habit picked up from years of walking around judgemental people in Beserker island. She knew everything that was said, good and bad.

_"I bet even she knows it."_

She did, to some extent. Astrid stared at herself in the mirror for a long while. She did not look like a Princess, not even close. Astrid had never really been one to wear dresses. The night of the ball had been a fluke. All of these gowns looked odd and uncomfortable on her. Not to mention how difficult they made dragon riding. And don't even get her started on the corsets. Gods, she could barely breathe in those things! Right now, she was wearing a gown with no corset underneath, she was in private so she didn't see how it mattered. At least she was comfortable. She knew she didn't really look like a Princess, but a part of her thinks that partiality why Hiccup loves her.

_"She doesn't belong here."_

Admittedly, some days were worse than others. Being a Princess for one night was nothing compared to being a Princess for the rest of your life, a lesson Astrid was unfortunately seeming to learn the hard way. Honestly everything had happened so fast. Between falling in love with Prince Hiccup and leaving Beserker Island to come to be with him, everything had been a blur to her. A positive blur, to be fair, but now everything was clearing up and she was beginning to understand just how deep she was in. It was all just... A lot harder than she thought it would be.

"Hey" Prince Hiccup said, hugging her from behind and resting his chin on her shoulder. Though she was surprised by his arrival, she found herself melting into his form.

When did he get in the room? Did she leave the door open?

"What are you doing?"

Without thinking about it, Astrid reached one hand up to stroke the side of his face "Just thinking, I suppose"

"What about?"

"Oh... Everything, really" was what she settled on as a summary.

"Mind going a little crazy?" he questioned with a knowing gaze.

"You could say that"

Their reflection looked so strange to her. Even though she knew she was going to be a Princess eventually. But she still felt like a servant. No matter what way she looked at it, they would always be the Prince and the servant. No wonder everyone talked about her.

"Well milady today is your lucky day because I have brought a distraction with me"

She raised an eyebrow "And what would that be?"

He held up a picnic basket he'd put beside them. As much as she wanted to go, Astrid still hesitated.

"I don't know Hiccup. I'm so busy with Princess training I don't know if I have the time..."

"Sorted. I already talked to Beatrix about it and she agreed that some time to just clear your head would be good for you."

The walk had been beneficial in some ways, but it hadn't quite been enough. Maybe this would get rid of those last few negative thoughts.

"So what do you say?" He grinned.

She found herself returning his grin, doubt already beginning to fade away.

xxxx

"So what brought this on?" Astrid asked as she bit into a yak chop.

"Brought what on?"

"You know" she gestured to the picnic around them "This"

They were currently sitting on an island that Hiccup had discovered a few months ago witg Toothless. It truly was a beautiful place, the scenery was simply magnificent. The only problem was it's name.

_("How in the name of Thor did you come up with Itchy Armpit?" "... Toothless was licking his armpit" "Huh. Charming.")_

"Oh. You mean the picnic" he realized "You've just been working really hard lately and I thought that you need a break"

"But I've been failing" she frowned "That hardly deserves anything, certainly not a break"

"You didn't fail anything Astrid"

Her frown deepened "Well I'm not exactly succeeding, am I?"

"Just because you've gotten a few things wrong that doesn't mean-"

"But it's not a few things, it's everything" she pointed out before letting out a shaky sigh "Forget it. You put in all this effort so that I could have a nice time. I shouldn't be ruining the mood. Sorry"

"Hey" he said seriously, resting a hand on her shoulder. This was clearly affecting more than she let on "Talk to me"

"I just... I feel like I'm letting everyone down" she confessed, looking down "You've all been so kind to me since I first got here. Beatrix has been so patient with me and this how I repay her? By getting everything wrong? And I want to be this amazing princess for you. And I'm trying Hiccup, I really am but-"

"And we know that" he reassured "We both know that you're trying. Nobody gets thing the first time round. You're doing your best, that's all anyone can ask for"

"You think so?"

"I know so" he paused "And in terms of being the 'amazing princess for me', you already are. You have been since the moment I met you"

She mustered a small smile, but something still gnawed at the back of her mind.

_"Prince Hiccup just hasn't come to to his senses yet"_

"Hey Hiccup?" she asked tentatively.

"Yeah?" he said taking some food from the basket.

"Y-you would tell me if you ever changed your mind about me, right?"

He momentarily froze, as if he couldn't believe she was even suggesting it "That's never gonna happen"

"But hypothetically, if you did-"

"No Astrid" he cut her off "There's no 'If you did' because it's not happening. My mind isn't changing. Not now, not ever"

'So you say' was how she wanted to respond.

She wanted to believe him, she truly did. But she knew how people worked. Changing minds was one of those things that was just as easy to do as it was to say.

She didn't even realise she was still looking away until she felt Hiccup's finger hook on her chin and bring her face up to look at him "Have you been listening to gossip again?"

"...Yes" she told him reluctantly.

He sighed "Astrid you know you shouldn't-"

"I know" she chimed in "But I couldn't help it Hiccup. They were right behind me"

"No I get that. You've just got to ignore it. There's nothing else you can do"

"Yeah, it's just harder to do that when you already think half the stuff they say"

"Well they're wrong, and you're wrong for agreeing with them''

"But Hiccup don't you ever listen to what they say about me?"

And with that he kissed her, effectively silencing her. Astrid automatically kissed back, fireworks erupting throughout her body. It still amazed her how their kisses still felt as amazing as the very first one, even after all these months.

"Does that answer your question?" he asked as he pulled away.

She smirked in response "I think you may need to repeat yourself"

He didn't need to be told twice. Astrid still had her doubts and insecurities but for now, she had managed to settle them. That was enough for now.

_**I low key can't believe I'm actually writing the sequel now! How fast the time has gone!**_

_**So yes, I know that The Hidden World marks the end of the httyd franchise but I'm still writing stories. Honestly, it's still not over for me. I'm not sure it ever will be. That's why I'm writing, this is my way of keeping the franchise alive.**_

_**Speaking of new stories, go check out my new one called 'Blessings in Disguise'. It's prologue and first chapter are up now! For those who don't remember, that was the RTTE AU. It won by literally 2 votes. It was really close though, that modern AU may get published sooner than you think ;)**_

_**I think you guys get the drill by now. All feedback appreciated, just make sure any criticism is written constructively.**_

_**Shohini :)**_


	2. Snide Remarks

"Ah!" Astrid yelled, half in pain and half in shock, as the woman tightened her corset.

"Astrid, surely you've handled worse than this"

"I can assure you, I most definitively have" she informed Beatrix "But that does not make this process any less painful"

Beatrix simply chuckled at the naive princess to be.

"With all due respect, why do I need a corset in the first place?"

"It makes the dresses easier to fit into" she replied as though it was obvious

"Surely we could just modify the design of the" she paused as the corset tightened once again, shortening her breath "Dresses"

"We could" Beatrix shrugged "But the design of the dresses always looks so beautiful on the princesses, nobody's thought to change it"

"So everyone perceives a Princess's beauty as how skinny they look in their gown?"

Beatrix hesitated but nodded "I suppose that's one way of putting it"

"That can't be healthy for how Princess's view their bodies..." she murmured to herself. A sharp tug was made and Astrid felt all the breath leave her lungs.

Astrid heard a few of the tailors mutter words of disapproval underneath their breaths. She guessed that's why the corset tightened so suddenly.

"There's really not much point in thinking like that Miss Astrid" Beatrix told her

Astrid wanted to say more, but she noticed the look Beatrix was giving her. Slight desperation, slight exasperation.

_'Please Astrid, drop it'_

And so Astrid did. She bit her tongue. She didn't agree with these beauty standards, but there was a time to fight, and maybe that time wasn't right now.

"I must admit" Astrid began "I really sympathize with Princess Heather a lot more now"

That brought out a few chuckles from the tailors. Though she had said it jokingly, there was some truth behind it. She remembered how Heather would complain about the corsets and how terribly restricting they were. Granted, Astrid had still sympathized back then, but now also being in her shoes certainty deepened her understanding in a most painful way.

"You know dear, if you get this squirmish over a simple gown, imagine what you'll be like when it's your wedding dress" the elder woman laughed lightly.

"W-wedding?"

Noticing the apprehension in the young girl's voice, Beatrix became more serious "Are we not planning a wedding soon?"

"No!" Astrid excalimed before calming down "No, not right now. We're not even engaged"

More whispers of disapproval.

Truthfully, they had talked about it. Once or twice, but it always ended with the same conclusion. They weren't ready. Hiccup wanted to explore and Astrid wanted to finish Princess training. A wedding would be too much for them. All the planning would kill them. It wasn't like they needed it to be official. They both knew they weren't changing their minds any time soon. When the time was right they would, but until then they were perfectly happy with the way things were.

"My apologies" she said sincerely "I just assumed..."

"Don't worry, I understand" she said reassuringly "We will marry eventually, but when we're ready. On our own terms. We won't rush a wedding because it's what the people want"

"It's understandable" she nodded "Gives you more time to adjust peacefully"

"Exactly" Astrid agreed before she felt a sharp tug "Ah! Gods, do these things have to be so tight?"

"They'd probably be less tight if she skipped a few meals" somebody sneered "Gods knows she could afford to"

Astrid couldn't help but stare incredulously at the cluster of tailors in the room. Did someone really just say that?!

"Check your tone Angmar" Beatrix warned sharply.

"Okay, you know what?" she snapped "This is too much for me so, I need to leave"

And she did just that. Some small part of her knew she would regret that decision. Princesses were meant to keep control of their emotions. Astrid had always been in control of her emotions when she was a servant. Well, more like before she entered princess training. Until her and Hiccup married, although she wasn't technically a servant, she was still considered to be of a lower class.

Remarks about her disrespect were heard as she left the room. Briefly, she caught Beatrix's disappointed stare. Astrid noted in her head that she had to apologize later. Beatrix didn't deserve this. After all, Beatrix was still sticking up for her when Astrid wasn't sure if she deserved it.

She went to her room, tearing off her gown and undoing the strings of her corset. A sigh of relief escaped her as she dressed into her regular clothes. It was only when she was in her normal clothes that she actually felt like herself.

But that was the problem.

This couldn't be her anymore. She needed to be comfortable in those stupid uncomfortable gowns. She had to learn how to ride Stormfly in those stupid uncomfortable gowns. Those _stupid uncomfortable _gowns were basically her uniform now. But speaking of Stormfly, that's exactly who she needed right now.

She needed to get away.

xxxx

"Stormfly, is this all I am?" Astrid asked staring at her reflection in the stream. Stormfly sat down next to her and nudged her comfortingly.

"I mean, am I just kidding myself? Is this whole thing just me trying to be something I'm not?"

Stormfly nuzzled her, an action Astrid would normally accept happily, but this time Astrid only responded half heartedly

"When I wear those gowns, it's not me. It's the person everyone wants me to be." Astrid grimaced "No matter what I do, where I go, what I where, This" she gestured to herself "Will always be me underneath. A measly servant with a shamed name."

Astrid rested her head against Stormfly.

"Everyone's gonna be talking about me tomorrow" she laughed bitterly "I stormed out of a room after some snide comments. I don't care where I am, I'm not taking that"

Stormfly huffed as if she was agreeing with her. Astrid smiled and turned to her companion as if she was a village gossip.

"Did you hear about that Astrid chick? She totally caused a scene. All because of a stupid remark about her body. Over sensitive much" she laughed leaning her head on her dragon's scales "Gods, this is so stupid"

She wasn't sure why she was laughing, she should be feeling awful. She'd overreacted, snapped, stormed out of a room and she hadn't looked back once when doing it. That was the polar opposite behaviour of a princess.

What would Hiccup think when he heard about this? He'd be on her side, he wouldn't be mad at her, hopefully. Still, even knowing that, the smile on her face faded. Surely he would face some judgement as consequence of her brash actions. She kept being unfair to people who didn't deserve it.

"I need to get my back my act together" she sighed "I'm going to be... A Princess. I need to act like a princess and" she paused momentarily to shudder "I need to dress like one too"

Stormfly sqwauked in protest. Clearly she didn't like it when Astrid flew her with those gowns on either.

"I know girl, I know'' she laughed "But that's just the way it is. This is who I am or, at least, who I have to learn to be"

She leant against her dragon tiredly. This Princess thing was exhausting.

"You never know" she said, mind a million miles away. "Maybe one day Hiccup will change his mind. Or he'll open his eyes and realize the mistake he made wanting to be with me. I mean, he said he wouldn't and I believe him, kind of. I don't think he'd hurt me but... I don't know, I'm not blind to the possibility it might happen."

Stormfly nuzzled closer. Astrid smiled absent-mindedly.

"I'm glad I have you girl" she said "I don't know what I'd do without you"

xxxx

"Astrid?"

The young blonde turned abruptly and was faced with the last person she was expecting.

"Your Majesty? What are you doing here?"

He let out a hearty laugh "How many times have I told ye lass? Call me Stoick!"

She flashed him a small smile "Sorry, I keep forgetting. What are you doing here Stoick?"

"I heard about a little incident that happened earlier"

"Oh gods, I'm sorry-"

"Oh don't be sorry" he cut her off, sitting beside her "You lost your temper. Happens to the best of us"

"I should have been able to control it though"

"Maybe" he contemplated "But you're still new at this. You'll learn"

"Not fast enough" she mumbled

Stoick smiled at her, eyes slightly foggy "I remember when Hiccup's mother started her princess training"

"What was it like for her?"

"She handled it about as well as you" he explained "Normally she was fine, but she had her moments"

"Really?"

"Of course. Like you, she was a village girl. Many disapproved of her"

"Well I can relate to that" she muttered

"I heard about what they said" he said sympathetically "Completely out of line"

"You're telling me" she scoffed.

''You know, when those sorts of things would happen to Hiccup's mother, I would get angrier than she did"

"What did you do?"

"Well I _wanted_ to charge into the room and give those people an earful... And possibly run them through with my axe..."

That made her laugh, of course Stoick would do that "What a surprise"

"What can I say? I was a young man in love"

"What stopped you from confronting them?"

"She did. She said something, and it's always stuck with me" he told her "You can't respect the person who demands it, but you can respect the person who earns it"

Astrid contemplated over the statement for a few seconds. There was a lot of truth in it. She hadn't earned those womens' respect, yet. That's not to say she never would. Eventually, hopefully, she would prove herself. In hindsight, it was foolish of her to think she wouldn't have to prove herself once more.

"Thank you Stoick" she smiled gratefully "How did you know to find me?"

"Hiccup and I were talking to one of the villagers about a problem with the sheep when Beatrix approached us. She told us what happened and said she was worried because she couldn't find you anywhere"

"Wait, so Hiccup knows?"

Stoick nodded and Astrid groaned inwardly. She knew he would find out, she didn't think it would be that fast "Was he angry?"

"At the women. Not you" he clarified, sensing her worry "He was worried about you. Practically jumped onto Toothless when he found out you were missing. I told him I'd find you"

"Why?" she asked curiously

"I thought getting Hiccup to help the villager would be good practice for when he's king. Besides, I wanted to talk to you"

Astrid blinked, not fully following. The King continued.

"Astrid, whilst I understand that you and Hiccup are not engaged yet, I know you will one day. And eventually marry when the time comes. We're family, you should be able to talk to me. I _want_ you to be able to talk to me. We're warriors you and I, talking about our feelings doesn't come easy to us. But, at the very least, we should try"

"Thank you Stoick, again"

He smiled kindly "How about we head back to Berk? I have a feeling my son wants to talk to you"

She sighed "I figured as much"

"You'll be fine lass, nothing to worry about"

She nodded, only partially believing him "Let's go"

**_Only a few more chapters before the story REALLY takes off... ;)_**

**_At least, I hope it will. We have to wait and see I guess._**

**_Originally it was going to be Hiccup that found Astrid, but I decided against it. Thought it might be interesting to change things up a bit, besides, I absolutely adore the relationship between Stoick and Astrid!_**

**_You know what to do._**

**_Shohini :)_**


	3. Foolish

_The village gossips were at it again._

_"What does he see in her?"_

_"Is the Prince insane? How could he ever even like let alone love someone like that?"_

_"I will not be lead by her! I'm a villager just like she has been most of her life, what makes her so special?"_

_"We all know she'll never be a true princess. Her roots are still the same"_

_And suddenly that voice sounded way too familiar. Slightly fearful, she turned around to see Princess Heather standing with Ruff and Tuff._

_"She's such a fake" Ruffnut sneered "She probably thinks she's better than me and Tuff, as if she wasn't one of us. I bet she's forgotten about us already"_

_"What? No! Ruff I would never..."_

_"And look at her outfit! A fashion atrocity! This Princess atire does not suit her. She should just give it to and come back to us. All she really is a servant after all."_

_"Why are you guys saying this?" she cried out._

_They looked at her and it was chilling. They were looking straight at her, but they weren't, it was as if they were looking through her, like she wasn't even there._

_"Just wait until Hiccup finally comes to his senses" Ruff laughed._

_"Then she'll really be nothing" the male twin smirked_

_Heather laughed harshly "Then? She's already nothing. She's just some whore of a servant that got lucky. It's a shame really, she's only gonna find out what everyone else knows when her luck runs out"_

_"And what happens then?"_

_"Well obviously she can't stay on Berk, and there's no way she can come back to Beserker Island as the failed princess. She'll be totally and utterly alone"_

_The words froze her on the spot. What they were saying, no matter how much she hated them, were true. The shame would be unbearable, but she could deal with it, it's not as though she was a stranger to stares and whispers. But the added potential heartbreak of Hiccup leaving her, that would break her completely._

_Suddenly she was running away, Astrid couldn't deal with the hurtful words of the people she thought with her friends. Tears blurred her vision and she crashed to the ground, an unstable, insecure mess. Someone sat next to her and relief coursed through as she saw Hiccup._

_"Oh thank gods it's just you. You would not believe what I just heard..." she went to rest her head on his shoulder but he abruptly moved away._

_"What do you think you're doing?" he asked, eyes narrowing._

_"Um... Leaning on my boyfriend's shoulder?"_

_"Boyfriend?" he barked out laughter "That's what you think I am?"_

_"K-kinda"_

_"Oh gods no! You were just a place holder until someone better came along"_

_"B-but-"_

_"I can't believe you actually thought this was a relationship" he chuckled in a way that sent a knife straight to her gut._

_"What did you think it was?" she asked meekly, afraid to find out the answer.._

_"It was just two people who are sick of their lives trying to convince themselves that they can make a difference when they can't" Hiccup informed her bluntly._

_Her heart sank to her stomach "What if it meant more than that to me?"_

_"Well then I'm sorry you got your feelings mixed up" The Prince said bluntly before walking away._

_"But Hiccup-- wait-- Please"_

_In one swift moment, he turned on her, using his sword to slash the skirt of her gown. She gasped in horror before staring at the remains of her dress._

_"Look at how you are dressed now"_

_She stared at the dress turned rags. She looked so much like a servant once more._

_"That is all you are. And for you to think you could ever even be good enough to be anything more" he spoke so quietly, yet his words were louder than any amount of yelling could ever be "Foolish"_

_"Hiccup please don't leave! Please! No! No! N-_

"NO!"

Astrid shot up in her bed, sweating and panting, tears lightly streaming down her face. That dream, well nightmare really, took all her breath away. Her chest tightened painfully, vision blurring and head pounding. Everything began spinning, round and round, round and round. Astrid frantically put a hand on her chest, something she typically did when these negative feelings rose within her. When things became too much for her.

The worst part was that she couldn't say anything to anyone. People were in the castle that would've helped her. A servant or Beatrix, or possibly even Stoick. And obviously Hiccup, but she couldn't. Not when she was in a state where she was questioning everything. Astrid could've spoken to someone, but she couldn't, because she didn't want to.

In that moment she realized that she was truly and deeply alone.

And everything became so _cold_.

She wrapped her arms around herself, giving herself the comforting hug she so desperately craved, but could never have.

And that's just how it was. Cold hands on cold skin. Numb to any pain, void of any emotion. She couldn't keep feeling. It hurt too much.

Gradually, her breathing returned to normal. Astrid let out silent sobs. She couldn't ignore the iciness of her heart and the steel feeling in her stomach.

Gods, she felt so foolish.

xxxx

"Here"

Astrid looked down at the tiara laying in Beatrix's hands. It was beautiful, possibly the most beautiful piece of jewellery she'd ever seen. There were intricate designs embedded with blue and yellow jewels at the side and a stunning sapphire front and centre. In the past she'd found tiaras to be over the top and tacky but this... This was perfect. In some ways, it resembled Stormfly and Astrid had a feeling why Beatrix was giving it to her. But that brought about another question...

Why was Beatrix giving this to her?

She frowned ever so slightly "I don't understand"

"It's yours. I was going to give this to you before the ball next week but I thought now might be a better time"

Guilt filled her. After the way she'd behaved yesterday, she couldn't figure out why she was receiving such a wonderful gift. She didn't deserve it, she hadn't earnt it.

"Beatrix it's gorgeous" she stared at the tiara "But I don't understand why you're giving this to me now"

The elder woman simply gave her a sympathetic look "I felt bad about what happened yesterday"

"So it's a pity gift" she said louder than she'd meant to.

"No, no, nothing like that" she waved the comment off kindly.

"Still, why do you feel bad? You did nothing wrong. I'm the one who behaved poorly"

"With good reason" she said "Look, the reason I gave you this is to remind you that you should be here. With comments like the ones made yesterday, it's easy to feel out of place. You're here for a reason, others just don't see it yet. They will in time, hopefully. But if they don't, they're the ones in the wrong, not you. You're doing absolutely fine"

Somewhat reluctantly, Astrid took the tiara from Beatrix's hands. Gratefully, she gave her mentor a hug.

"Thank you"

She wished those words would calm her nerves.

xxxx

Carefully, Astrid placed the precious tiara on her head. Looking at herself in the mirror, she stared for a long while. It's not that she looked bad per say, but she didn't feel like she looked all that good either. Astrid studied her reflections, suching for every flaw and imperfection, and finding more than she'd like to admit. She knew she should be feeling beautiful but instead she just felt...

"Ridiculous"

She shook her head, walking over to her bed "I look absolutely ridiculous"

Stormfly sqwauked in disagreement, nuzzling her right cheek. Playfully, Astrid pushed her away.

"Oh stop it you. I know you're only doing that because you like my tiara"

Her dragon gave her a look that showed she clearly didn't disagree with the statement. Jokingly, Astrid placed the accessory on the dragon's head.

"Huh, looks better on you than it does on me" she scoffed "Not surprising"

Stormfly looked at her rider with a smug look.

"Yeah, yeah I said it" she rolled her eyes playfully "But don't get too comfortable missy, you can't keep it. Come on, let me take it off before you start stomping around the room and break it"

Stormfly huffed indignantly but nevertheless complied as Astrid took the tiara off of her head and placed it back on her own.

"I mean, it's not that I don't like the tiara. I do! It's just... Oh I don't know..."

The thing was, tiaras were specifically a royal thing. Not that the ball gowns weren't a sign of royalty. But gowns were the sort of thing where if you were really that skilled, you could probably make one yourself. Hel, some of the poorer people in Beserker island would wear gowns from time to time, just nowhere near as fancy. Tiaras were a distinct sign of royal stature. A royal stature that she still felt she hadn't earnt yet.

"I look nothing like a princess" she sighed, putting her face in her hands "I'm _not _a princess" she whispered, almost defeated, _almost_.

It was at that moment she felt a little extra pressure on the bed and a small nudge to her shoulder. At first she assumed it was Stormfly jumping onto her bed but it couldn't be, the pressure was too small to be a deadly nadder.

"I think you look beautiful"

She brought her face out of her hands to glare at him with no real anger.

"You're my boyfriend" she pointed out, though the word boyfriend felt unnatural coming from her "You're biased"

"Maybe" he shrugged "I'm okay with that"

"Yeah I bet you are"

"What can I say? The truth is the truth"

"Well everyone seems to have their own version of the truth these days" she replied pointedly.

He let out a sigh and draped an arm around her shoulder. She snuggled into his touch, resting her head against his chest.

"You might be right, but as long as we know the real truth then it's fine"

"But what if your idea of the truth is different from mine?"

She felt him stiffen "And how would they be different?"

"We're different people Hiccup. There are a lot of things we see differently, including the world around us and the people in it" she told him plainly.

He pulled her closer "There are also truths about ourselves we need to remember too"

"Those are different too Hiccup" Astrid grimaced, standing up "This version of truth you see in me, it's not what I see"

"What do you see?"

"It doesn't matter" she denied automatically.

Another sigh "Does this have something to do with what happened yesterday?"

The words froze her. They hadn't talked about what had happened the previous day, and she knew that he wanted to. The issue was her. She couldn't find the words, and what's worse, she didn't even know if she wanted to.

That worried her a little bit, not that she'd ever admit that to anyone. In the past she'd always been able to talk to Hiccup, right from when she pretended to be a Princess to their midnight meetings when she was a servant. Astrid knew she should be able to talk about it but all she really wanted to do was put it behind her. She just wished that stupid dress fitting never happened.

"Whether it does or it doesn't, the fact of the matter doesn't change" she crossed her arms, her voice indifferent.

He stood up and walked over to her "What do you see Astrid?"

"I told you it doesn't matter-"

"But it does" he cut her off, raising his arms to gently grip her arms "It matters to me. What is this version of truth you see in yourself?"

_"That is all you are. And for you to think you could ever even be good enough to be anything more... Foolish"_

_"Foolish"_

_'He'll leave just like everyone else. Don't be foolish Astrid' _the thought plagued her endlessly.

"I see..." she swallowed thickly, looking around the room and noticing the clock "That it's time for my evening classes and I don't want to be late"

"Astrid we need to talk abou-"

"Prince Hiccup I-"

"What did you just call me?"

A gasp escaped her lips. A hand flew up to cover her mouth. Whenever she called him Prince Hiccup, it was her way of creating space between them, a barrier. Astrid wanted to separate them, to remind them of their different worlds. She hadn't felt this way since before...

The blonde shield maiden escaped her boyfriend's grasp and moved to other side of the room.

"I- I'm so sorry" she stammered out "I need to leave, right now."

"Astrid..." his voice rang out, hurt clear.

"We can continue this conversation later" she told him, eyes downcast "I'm sorry"

**_Looks like poor Astrid is getting in her own head:(_**

**_I read a review asking for more Hiccstrid. I know this isn't *laughs nervously* exactly that but soon, I promise._**

**_Sorry for not updating for a couple of weeks, life's been hectic. Already working on the next chapter, plus expect a new chapter of Blessings In Disguise soon (hopefully). And maybe a few other projects..._**

**_You know what to do._**

**_Shohini :)_**


	4. Girl Talk (and Tuffnut)

Astrid waited eagerly for Heather to arrive with Ruff and Tuff. Although the occasional terror mail had been exchanged in the few months she'd been in Berk, it wasn't the same. She missed her best friends. Plus, it would be nice to talk to someone about all of the fears she'd been having.

"Hey" Hiccup said, coming to stand next to her.

"Hi" Astrid said stiffly, she didn't really know how to be around him.

"Any sign of them?"

"Not yet" she shook her head

"So if they're not here yet..." he began.

_'Please don't say it' _Astrid thought desperately

"Maybe we could talk?"

_'And he said it'_

"I don't think that's a good idea. They'll be here soon, it's not the right time" she dismissed as casually as she could.

"When is the right time then?" he asked, looking at her.

She could feel the frustration in his gaze. Frustration at the situation, frustration at how she was treating him, frustration at _her_. It spoke far louder than any amount of words could.

"I'm not sure" she spoke cautiously, guarded "But it's not right now"

"Astrid please-"

"We really should be focusing on the ball"

"How can I focus on anything when this is happening to us?"

"You're a Prince, you have to put the kingdom first, no matter what is happening in your personal life" she stated formally, she didn't realize how her tone was sending a dagger straight to Hiccup's heart.

"You're starting to sound like my dad" he attempted to laugh but it didn't sound right.

"Well he would probably say the same thing"

"I just don't understand" he shook his head "Have I done something to upset you?"

Finally, she turned to look at him, though the glance was only brief "It isn't about you" she said softly.

Astrid considered that to be a half-lie. It was true that this did kind of involve him, but it wasn't about him. It was her. It was about her and her fundamentals. She just didn't know how he could help.

"For the past two days you've been distant. You've avoided and pushed me away at every chance. You're still acting normal around others. The villagers, Beatrix, even my dad! I'm the only one who you're not talking to" he scoffed "It's hard to believe that it has nothing to do with me"

"I didn't say that it had nothing to do with you" she said, face emotionless "I said it wasn't about you. There's a difference"

"But if it involves me, do I not have the right to know?"

"You don't need to" she replied with a gentler voice "It's to do more with me than anything else. It's my problem, I'll work through it"

He stared at her incredulously "By this point how can you not know-"

"Astrid!"

Both heads turned sharply to see Heather, Ruffnut and Tuffnut making their way through the clouds. They rushed towards them, landing almost instantly. Heather and the twins dismounted from their dragons and practically threw themselves at her. Despite the pain she was feeling inside, she found the strength to laugh.

"I missed you guys too" she laughed.

As consumed as she was in the hug, she still couldn't help but notice the look Hiccup was giving her. The wanting, longing, the hurting. It was almost unbearable. Pleadingly, she shot him a look.

_'Don't'_

"Good to see ya Hoff!" Tuff exclaimed pulling away, but keeping his arm draped over her shoulder.

"Nice to see you haven't forgotten us already" Ruffnut joked, unknowingly setting off a flash of paranoia in Astrid.

_"I bet she's forgotten about us already"_

"I would never do that!" she exclaimed, a little too quickly.

"Relax Ast, we know" Ruff laughed, brushing off her friend's odd behaviour.

Heather went over and hugged Hiccup "Still haven't hurt her?"

Hiccup looked over at Astrid "Never have. Never will"

Astrid held his gaze for a brief moment before letting out a small, if not slightly forced, smile "He's treated me very well Heather. You have nothing to worry about"

Heather laughed "Good to hear"

"So where are Dagur and Mala?"

"They'll be arriving a little later, but they'll be here for the ball. Dagur told us we could come early so we could get some time with you" The raven haired princess explained, grinning.

"Hey, I'm not complaining" Astrid smirked in response "Come on, I'll take you to your chambers"

She threw her arms around the two twins' necks and began walking away, Heather quickly following. Suddenly, she stopped and turned back to Hiccup.

"See you later?"

He smiled softly, sadness still shining in his eyes "Of course, go have fun, I'll see you later tonight"

Astrid nodded and walked away again. Feelings of guilt gnawed at her stomach.

She hated that sad look on Hiccup's face. She hated knowing that she was the reason it was there in the first place.

xxxx

"Alright, what's up?"

Astrid looked over to Heather "What?"

"Come on Hoff, we know you, and we know something is going on with you and Prince Hiccup" Ruff said sitting with Heather.

"I don't follow" Astrid feigned confusion.

"Anyone could see something was up from how you two were looking at each other. You could literally chop up that tension with an axe."

She sighed, sitting down. They knew her too well "Fine"

The male twin went to sit next to his sister "Spill girl!"

The darker haired princess looked hesitant "I think this is girl talk Tuff"

"He's actually really good at girl talk" Astrid said "We actually had one the night after tha ball"

Heather looked to Ruff for confirmation.

"It's true" she agreed "He's weirdly good at girl talk"

"Alright" Heather shrugged "Tuffnut stays"

"Yes!" Tuff cheered "Now seriously A, spill!"

Astrid looked between her three friends cautiously, biting her lip "I don't know where to start"

"The beginning?" The raven haired princess prompted gently.

"Look, life here hasn't been easy" she said instantly "It's not been awful, but still, not great"

"What's been happening?"

"Oh you know, villagers having their opinions and making them known" she winced internally "_Definitely _making them known"

"So, get the villagers to meet your axe" Ruff smirked "That's the Hofferson thing to do"

"It _was"_ Astrid corrrcted "But that was before.I'm a princess in training, I have to be respectful, no matter what"

"Unfortunately, she's right" Heather frowned "A princess can't be disrespectful, even if the people probably deserve it"

"I just want them to stop" she moaned, giving into her emotions "It's getting to be too frequent now, it's messing with my head"

"And now your relationship with Hiccup?" Heather asked knowingly.

"Yes!" she exclaimed "And it's so unfair to him because he didn't even do anything! He's been so supportive ever since I got here and all I do is push him away. I just don't know what else to do"

"How long have you been pushing him away for?" Ruffnut asked curiously.

"The past two days"

"And what happened to make you push him away?"

"I don't know"

"Yeah you do" Heather stated.

She looked at the Princess "Wha-"

"You're Astrid Hofferson. The smartest servant and warrior that Beserker Island has ever seen. You have something that's rare Ast. You know yourself. You know exactly who you are, you always have. If something's upsetting you, you know what it is. You know what's wrong" Ruff went on to explain

Heather and Ruffnut were right, Astrid did know what was wrong. She knew why she was so upset and why she was pushing Hiccup away. It was just hard to talk about.

"There may have been a bad dream" Astrid admitted reluctantly, looking away.

"There it is" She could hear the smirk in her servant friend's voice.

"What happened in the dream?" Heather asked with a calm tone, hoping to sooth her best friend's nerves.

And so Astrid explained. She discussed how she'd heard village gossips blatantly insulting her; and how in her most vulnerable moments, Hiccup had rejected her. How he'd made her realize the _true _extent to which their origins separated them. How it had made her fear that she would never be anything more than a servant at heart, no matter what. The way the nightmare had intensified her insecurities that she simply wasn't enough. She'd left out the part where the gossips had actually morphed into Heather, Ruff and Tuff and how they made her realize how alone she was. It would only hurt their feelings.

"And ever since, I've just felt so lonely" Astrid finished "The nightmare, as awful as it was, brought up some vaild points. It's not like I'm ashamed of being a servant or anything, but what if that's _all _I am? What if I never truly become a Princess?"

"What do you mean?"

"I know what she means" Ruff spoke up with an uncharacteristic sense of clarity "There is a big difference between the life of a royal and the life of a servant. It's... Hard to try to be something you'd previously been taught you could never be"

Astrid nodded, slightly surprised at how well her best friend had summed everything up "Exactly. Even if I have the crown, will I ever feel like a Princess? Or will I just feel like I'm an imposter with a tiara? Like at the ball. Will I ever feel like I belong?"

Astrid hated having so many emotions. As a warrior, she'd trained herself to surpress her feelings, to work through them alone. Now with Hiccup, all of her hard work had come undone. She could no longer ignore the overwhelming waves of emotions.

"I don't know Ast" Heather said with sympathy "We can't say that for you, we all hope you will, obviously. It's a big adjustment. Hopefully it'll come with time"

"I don't want Hiccup to change his mind" the Princess to be confessed "Maybe it's selfish, but I don't want him to come to his senses and find someone better"

The mere idea made her want to hurl her her axe as far as possible.

"Oh Astrid, are you kidding?" the words were spoken softly by Heather "One thing I've always known about Hiccup is that he doesn't care for titles. All he cares about is the person underneath. And you are his perfect person. Have you not seen the way he looks at you? He very clearly loves you, nothing could change that"

"I love him too" Astrid replied "So much. And that scares me. If he leaves, I fear I won't be able to handle it. I'm just protecting myself. I don't want him to hurt me-"

"So instead you hurt him" Tuffnut, who had been strangely quiet for the majority of the conversation, finished for her thoughtfully.

She blinked a few times "W-what?"

"You don't want to get hurt, so your defence mechanism is to automatically push him away. You think the more you push him away, the less it'll hurt if he leaves. You don't want to get too attached, won't let yourself. Most of the people you care about have come into your life temporarily, and now you think same will go for Hiccup as well"

She certainly pondered over the statement for a few moments. There was a lot of truth in his words. Her parents hadn't been there, her Uncle died when she was very young. Every now and then she got passed around from house to house, but that was rare. And even when she did, nobody wanted the shamed Hofferson child. Every time she even began to care about people, she got sent away again. Nobody had cared enough to let her stay. Now Hiccup was doing just that, and she apparently couldn't comprehend it.

"You get so scared about getting hurt, you don't see how you hurt him"

She knew she had hurt Hiccup, but maybe she hadn't realized how much she was hurting him. He deserved to know what was going on. She had to fix this.

Silence filled the room as Tuff's words settled in the air. Nobody knew quite what to say.

"Wow" Heather finally spoke "You guys were right. Tuffnut is really good at girl talk"

xxxx

With shaking hands, Astrid placed the tiara upon her head. It still didn't feel right, but it had been a gift from Beatrix, and she couldn't disappoint her. Besides; she had a feeling tiaras would, unfortunately, be more involved in her future.

The dress was gorgeous. The sides were a bright but gentle blue colour with a column of yellow falling down the middle. Of course it still had it's lace and frills, but nothing that felt unnecessary or over the top. It was a vibrant gown that somehow managed to a keep a refined sense of elegance. The material was soft but restricting, ensuring Astrid kept her posture. It was comforting without becoming suffocating. It perfectly resembled herself and Stormfly.

A servant walked her to the door where she and Hiccup were to make their entrance. She'd never understood why royals had so many balls but, throughout the course of her life, she'd learnt not to question it. Hiccup was already there, waiting, and when he saw her his jaw dropped.

"Wow... Astrid you look..." he struggled to formulate the words "Wow..."

"Thanks" she blushed, laughing lightly and taking a step closer "You don't look too bad yourself"

Hiccup mirrored her movements, also taking a step towards her. He twirled a loose tendril of her blonde locks in his finger before tucking it behind her ear. He rested his palm on her cheek and she savoured the warmth.

Hiccup looked deep into her eyes "Gods, you're so beautiful" the words came out as a whisper.

Astrid smiled and gently pressed her lips to his. He took no time in responding, dropping his hand from her cheek to her waist and bringing his other hand to join. She cupped his face in her hands. He pulled her closer. The kiss was gentle yet passionate. It amazed her how, even now, every kiss could awake the same amount of sparks in her as the very first one. She wanted to pour every ounce of love she had for him into the kiss. To show her love for him. To show that the _feelings_ would never change on her end, no matter what.

For a brief moment, the problems didn't exist. She wasn't insecure and he wasn't confused. There was no distance and no struggle. They were just two people in love.

Eventually they had to pull away to breathe (much to both of their dismay). Hiccup still had that saw awe-struck, loving look in his eyes. The one that she adored so much. Soothingly, she traced his jaw with her thumb. For a moment, all they did was stare at each other.

It wasn't everything. It wasn't all the words that needed to be said or the ones that needed to be heard. Astrid's fears were still there and Hiccup still didn't know why she had been so cold to him as of late. There was still a conversation to be had, and it would be eventually. In the moment they just wanted to appreciate each other.

He rested his forehead against hers. No words were said, none were needed.

It wasn't everything, but it was enough to know they'd be okay.

**_Hopefully that little end bit makes up for the lack of Hiccstrid so far!_**

**_I loved bringing Heather and the twins back! I missed them so much! I won't lie to you, when I plotted the end of the first book it completely slipped my mind that Astrid leaving would mean leaving them behind. Oops..._**

**_Just to be clear, Hiccup and Astrid are still going to talk about what's been going on. I wanted to write it in this chapter, but this scene fit better to me._**

**_Shohini :)_**


End file.
